Everybody Hates Me

I have spent a life time trying to embody the things that I seek in other folks. 

I think I have been successful at that. I always reach out to those who seem down, in need and who have something going on in their lives where they might need support. I make a point to always be honest, while still being tactful. I am, generally, a YES girl. And yet there are days, like today, where I feel that everybody hates me. 

I have felt some significant changes from the days when I was skinny to the present day. I took a lot of these things for granted back then, but now realize how closely tied they were with how I looked. 

Everything came easy. I was surrounded by friends, I had an active social life, and always got what I asked for. Job interviews were a breeze. And everyone loved me! Really... I was a vain, self centered little girl who was spoilt and got what she wanted... 

Fast forward to today: I have to work hard for anything I want. (I like it this way better! I like to Earn the things that are important to me!), I often get looks and comments that I know are about my weight. And... I only have one friend. TELL me its not about the weight... and I won't believe you.

I have worked so hard in being a warm, caring, giving , gentle, honest person with integrity. Someone who you can turn to and rely on. I think I have generally been successful at getting closer to that person... but more and more I am not sure that is the best thing for me (other than to hold my head up high). 

So, I am not blaming this on my weight, but I think it is definitely part of that equation... Why is it that saying no wins you more respect than saying yes? Why is it that being available make you the prime suspect of being used as a door mat? Why is it that being a difficult person make some people want to be closer to you? Why is it that everybody hates me?

I think obesity is just as misunderstood as some mental diseases such as depression. Many "fit" folks feel it is a weakness, it is 'a choice', it is a symptom of a person who does not care for themselves, who has no will power and no ambition. Many consider it to be much like a messy house, preventable, needless, and a cause for derision.  

And.. regardless of weight.. today, everybody hates me. How do I break that feeling?

A miserable 230lbs, signing off!